In 2020, we were forced to make our homes the base for work, school, fitness, and other activities. The lines between home life and everything else was blurred. Practicing self-care became more of a challenge and our desperately needed vacations were either postponed (meaning we didn’t take a vacation) or changed to a staycation, where responsibilities continued and you didn’t get the rest and relaxation that’s experienced during a real vacation.

This year, let’s start 2021 committing to Radical Self-Care. Our wellbeing has to be a priority. As midlife women who might have kids attending school at home, managing work expectations, caretaking your elderly parents, or running a business, self-care happens inconsistently or is totally non-existent. The time has come to be radical about it, without attaching guilt or shame for making time for ourselves

So it’s up to you to draw the line and start creating boundaries for radical self-care and this article is going to help you get started. Read on and let’s get radical!

Start with Rest and Relaxation

In this moment, commit to taking a few minutes throughout the day for rest and relaxation. The few moments can be spent doing a breathing exercise or a quick journal entry. Keep it simple and attainable.

What’s the difference between rest and relaxation? Those two words are usually used together, but there is a distinction between the two.

Think of rest as a way to refresh your mind and repair your body. That’s what happens when you’re meditating (going from activity into silence), taking a 10-20 minute power nap or down for the night for fitful sleep. The cells in your body are regenerating and your body goes into full rest mode.

Lack of rest will negatively affect your emotional wellbeing, focus, memory, concentration, and weaken your immune system. Avoid potential chronic health problems by getting 6-8 hours of consecutive shut eye. When you have restful sleep, you’ll wake up bright-eyed and ready to take on the world with energy and optimism.

When you’re relaxing, tension is being released and the mind and body are refreshed. Relaxation is our mind’s way of rejuvenating and helps with reducing stress.

Relaxation on the other hand, releases tension and rejuvenates the mind and body. Relaxing improves our mood and cognitive functioning, like decision making and memory, and lowers the risk for depression, anxiety, and other heart-related issues. Additionally, when we relax, we boost our immunity (very important during a pandemic). Relaxation also improves our ability to cope with adversity, and helps to improve our quality of sleep.

The main distinction between the two is that relaxation happens when we are awake and involves engaging in an activity that we find pleasure in doing. Relaxing can be taking a walk in nature, getting cozy with a good book, gardening, knitting, any activity that’s relaxing and makes you feel good.

Radical self-care comes into play by making time for both rest and relaxation, in order to optimise our mental and physical health. Make sleep and down-time a priority, particularly during a pandemic and politically unrest times. Listen to your body and step away from what you’re doing if re-reading the same sentence still isn’t sticking or you're feeling stressed after a phone call. Step away, take a walk, do some breathing exercises (see below). Take a look at your evening routine and make adjustments for a fitful sleep (see below for some tips).

When you’re feeling stressed, give yourself 15 minutes of your favorite restful activity to support your mental health. This will give you a recharge and allow you to work more intensely when you return to your work or activity.

Work in breaks throughout the day and longer breaks on weekends.

Create a relaxation kit.

This could include your favorite book, a super soft blanket, scented candles, pillow, fuzzy warm socks, chocolates, knitting needles or crochet hook and yarn, your favorite playlist, old photographs, crossword puzzle, coloring book. You get the idea! When you see that box, you’re body will want to go straight to relaxation mode!

Do a quick body check.

Check in with your body throughout the day just to notice any tension and sensations. Relax any parts that are tight by closing your eyes and focusing on that area. Then take a three rounds of breath, breathing into the area of tension until you feel relaxation happening.

Remember: In order to give your best, you have to be at your best. If you do not look after yourself, who is going to do that for you? Give yourself permission for down-time and enjoy it. Release any feelings of guilt or unworthiness. You are worth every moment of rest you can get.

Return to Your Breath

4-4-4 breathing. Calming. Sit comfortably. Breath deeply into your belly through your nose (expanding your belly) for a count of 4, hold for a count of 4, exhale for a count of 4 through your mouth (deflating your belly)

4-7-8 breathing. Energizing. Sit comfortably. Breath deeply into your belly through your nose (expanding your belly) for a count of 4, hold for a count of 7, exhale for a count of 8 through your mouth (deflating your belly)

Soft belly breath. Relaxing. Moves you from a state of flight or fight into relaxation mode and calming the mind and body.

• Sitting comfortably, start to breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Allow your breathing to deepen, and let your belly be soft during the breath, relaxing all muscles in your abdomen.
• Continue to breathe slowly, allowing your mind and body to relax. To encourage relaxation, you can say to yourself “soft” as you inhale and “belly” as you exhale.
  If you become aware of thoughts, sensations, or noises, gently let go and return to observing the breath.

Ocean Breath. Settling. Used to settle your mind and body when you are feeling frustrated or irritated by creating a cooling effect at the back of the throat and stabilizing the cardio-respiratory system.

• Take a slightly deeper than normal inhalation. On the exhalation, release a soft sigh
• Your out-breath is through your nose with your mouth closed. Another way to do this is to first exhale, “Haaah” with your mouth open, then make a similar motion with your mouth closed.

Treat Your Body to a Self-Massage

At least once a week give yourself a massage.

• This increases blood circulation in the body
• Supports the lymphatic system which aids in detoxification
• Calms the nerves and improves sleep
• Increases stamina

Steps (using your favorite body oil)

• Start at the crown of your head and work slowly out from there in circular strokes.
• Massage your entire scalp and face, don’t forget earlobes. When applying moisturizer to your face, this is a good time for a face massage where you can also include your throat and neck.
• Move to your arms and legs using long upward strokes and circular strokes on your elbows and knees.
• Always massage toward your heart
• Massage the abdomen and chest in broad, clockwise, circular motions
• Finish by massaging your feet, including each toe, in between your toes and your heels.
• Get your partner involved with a back and shoulder massage.
• How good are you feeling now?

Practice Good Sleep Hygiene

Restful sleep is the foundation for your overall wellbeing. After a day of stimulating activity, your body needs deep sleep when your mind and body can rest. Getting restful sleep helps you process new information efficiently, increase your awareness and just be more present with anyone you come in contact with.

Ways to Wind down for the evening

• Eat a light dinner then take a leisurely stroll. (A walk after a meal is always a good idea)
• Minimize intense mental activity after 8:30 pm
• Use aromatherapy (scented candle or essential oil diffuser)
• Drink a cup of warm herbal tea.
• If you find that your mind is active, journal for a few minutes before bed. Make a gratitude list, or reflect on your day (without getting attached to your thoughts)
• Unplug from your devices so your mind can disconnect and start to quiet down
• Read a book
• Close your eyes and tune into your body. Wherever you notice tension, consciously relax that area.
• Follow your breath until you fall asleep

Congratulations on making a commitment to your wellbeing and practicing Radical Self-Care!

Need support in committing to your self-care or understanding the changes in your midlife body? Schedule a free discovery call with me to share the challenges your experiencing now and how the Midlife Radiance Program can help you experience peace with your midlife body.